What's meant to be will be....

Life has a funny way of working it's way out. Today I think that all the tears, and all the suffering really are something that we had to go through, but no matter what, whatever is meant to be will be. I feel like just taking a back seat, and waiting to see what happens, but I can't, because I still believe that we are the makers of our own destiny, but where is that destiny going to lead us? That I don't know right now, but hopefully soon I will. Truth, it's so important, I just never had the strength to tell it, since it was a lie anyway. I can't see too far ahead, but what I see now is not pretty...hopefully soon it will be pretty.

DIVORCE-SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

Divorce is one of life's most difficult and serious decisions. Sue Quilliam reveals the three main reasons for women wanting a divorce and whether you should be thinking of moving on.

Things are wrong between you. Rows, silences, affairs, more rows - it's so bad you're thinking of divorce.

But should you be? Divorce is a serious step. And while no one would want to go back to the days when it was impossible to part, you do need to think it through seriously. In my postbag, three reasons for divorce crop up again and again. Women are scared to stay ... they feel bad about their partners ... or they long for a brighter future. But how can you decide whether these reasons are, quite literally, grounds for divorce?

'I'm scared.'If you're actively frightened, that's a very bad sign. So if, for example, your relationship is making you physically or emotionally ill, then at the very least consider moving out for a while to get some perspective on the situation.

If your partner is suffering from alcohol or drug abuse, then again the news is not good. Because it's highly likely that however much you put into the relationship, he won't be able to return it. There's no point in hanging in there.

Finally, if there's a pattern of violence, it's dangerous to stay - both physically and emotionally. The only exception to this is if your partner is actively involved in a recovery programme - then he needs a chance to prove himself. But if he is unwilling to get help, or says he will get help and then doesn't, you must leave.

For extra help on drug issues, ring Release on 020 7729 9904. For extra help on alcohol issues contact Al-Anon 020 7403 0888. If the problem is domestic violence, then ring Refuge 0870 599 5443, a 24-hour crisis line for women and children trying to escape domestic violence.
'I see the future as so much brighter.'Sometimes, it's not just the stick of emotional pain that drives you to divorce, it's the carrot of what else might be out there, outside your marriage. And actually, if what else is out there is genuinely better than your marriage, then you may be right to leave.

One key sign is if either of you seem to be heading for a life change -taking a job, moving house, travelling - that actually excludes the other or cuts right across their wishes. Another variation on this theme is when one or both of you are having a serious affair. In both cases, you're focussing your energy elsewhere, your partner is already second best.

If while reading this, you're realising that in fact, your seemingly bright future wouldn't be so bright - or that even if it was, it wouldn't make up for the loss of your marriage - then hang in there. Try reading my book Staying Together , (Vermilion, £7.99). But if having your own way is more important than keeping your relationship together, the decision's already made.

What next? If the decision is made, and you do decide to divorce, remember that support is always available. Relate has pre- and post-divorce counselling and support groups. For more practical help where children are involved, contact the Family Mediators Association (FMA) 0207 383 5993.

And I would also recommend the following two books: How to Cope With Splitting Up by Vera Peiffer, (Sheldon Press, £5.99);Divorce and Separation, Every Woman's Guide to a New Life by Angela Willans, (Sheldon Press, £5.99).

WOW!!

Is this not the hottest guy you have ever seen!!!

LIGHT AT THE END.......BUT WHEN......

There is always light at the end of the tunnel.....how many times have we not heard this? But when is it the end really? I have finally made the decision that has been eating me inside, I really thought it would feel better, but it doesn't, I feel worse, and that just makes me wonder if I made a mistake or not. My heart is in pain, and I don't know how to stop it, but I can't have my cake and eat it too, that's how the saying goes. So I chose, finally I chose, and my heart still hurts, why does my heart still hurt?

Dame mi cafecito!!!

Today as I was heading into the office, I realized of the importance of my cafecito! Being Colombian American, and having grown up in Miami, it's no wonder that every morning, I need my shot...of coffee that is. So like never before, I started to wonder.....what is it with this delicacy that has me so addicted. "What tequila is to liquor, cafe cubano is to the world of coffee." We don't sip it or savor it...we drink it like a shot! Cafe cubano is at the very least double or maybe even triple the strength of American coffee, and for me and most other hispanics living in this area it is a daily morning ritual. We drink it at any time of day when we need a surging jolt of energy. It's kind of impressive to receive such jolts from a little thimble sized plastic cup. Thank you to el cafecito for make my day a little mas rico!

Latina Lista: Study Says Latinos Twice as Likely as Whites to Die from Melanoma

Latina Lista: Study Says Latinos Twice as Likely as Whites to Die from Melanoma

Where are you?

Where'd you go? Your heart was always with me, and now it's not. Maybe it isn't our time, maybe we should wait, but how do I tell my heart? How will I make it understand? I know I love you, and you say you love me............what now? After everything, what now?

We're all grown up....and me?

Some of us live in a place where we do what is expected, and perhaps we believe that what is expected is what we want. We meet great people, and interact with them, and live the life....live the life. Then one day we look around, and it's gone...no, no one left, you left, I left, I wanted to leave, I couldn't breathe. Then again, I look around, and everyone else stayed the same, I changed, no one else changed but me. Everyone followed the plan... I didn't.

I hurt people during this change, and I am truly sorry, I have to live with myself for this, and believe me I hurt...I still hurt, but I lived the moment, and they were happy moments. They were extreme moments that I would not have lived had I not taken the chance. But today I wonder.....I will always wonder, but I will not regret. I can't regret, they were good moments.

Today again, I wonder, is everyone right? Am I wrong? We're all grown up....I'm grown up, but not like all of you...I'm alone, none of you are alone....I wonder....and me? When will it be me?

I do.....

I never thought this day would come, when you were no longer in my life, I never thought I'd feel this numb to the pain I feel inside,
I love you,
I do,
I miss you,
I do,
I need you,
I do,
I want you,
I do,
I lost you,
I did.........

BACK AGAIN!

Here I am back again! I just got back from Colombia! I must say I had a very good time, each time that I travel away from the States I realize how happy I am that I'm here, but how much we actually give up by doing so. Some of my family is still there (in Colombia), and eventhough they don't have much, their lives seem fuller. What is the price that we pay for living the way that we live. I love this country and am grateful that it opened the door to my parents so that they could create a better life for us. My cousins are all desiring to come over to the land of opportunity, and I long for just a little bit of what they have. I am not sure what would have become of me had my parents stayed in Colombia, but I am very happy with my life here. In Miami life is a bit more laid back than cities like New York, and Chicago, but having been in Colombia, I realized just how fast paced Miami really is. (Of course in Comparison to Barranquilla). The sad thing is that I was there about four years ago, and everything was exactly the same. The street that leads to my aunt's house was still full of holes or perhaps I should say craters, that in order to get there you feel as though you are riding a horse even though you are actually in a car. The men are still trying to make ends meet (since they were retired at 40 for being too old). The women are still working diligently and exhaustingly in the house, because eventhough they have someone who helps them (maid), NO ONE will pitch in. That would definitely not work around here, that's for sure! It's funny, because when my cousins would tell me how much they want to come to the States, the first thing that I asked them is "Do you cook, clean, wash, etc...because if you don't you better learn!" Their faces were priceless, UNBELIEVABLE!
Women in this country have come a long way, and, although I know we realize it, once you see other women's reality in the face you can't help but thank GOD that we are where we are! I really have no other country to compare it to, and I am sure that other parts of Colombia may be different, but where I was, it wasn't.

Grandes Amores

Los grandes amores siempre son complicados...Aveces ahi que romper en la vida para obtener lo que uno quiere.

Si los dejamos, los deseos y las pasiones se vuelven fantasias y si uno no lucha por ellos, para que valen?

What would happen?

"What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open."

Muriel Rukeyser

We all have secrets, and sometimes those secrets overwhelm our existence, sometimes you just want to be free.....

Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day to all! Some ask what is the deal with Valentine's Day anyway? Others believe that it is a retail conspiracy! But, I see it as a day to either celebrate or not. Sure the restaurants are packed, so even with reservations there is a wait, and there are balloons and chocolate galore, but no one is forcing you to "do" anything on this day unless you want to. Us women love to be loved, and why not have another day for all you men to make us feel like a queen? But if you don't want to, then don't! Sure we'll probably feel not so great, but if it doesn't come from the heart then don't do it! Besides Valentine's Day is a day of love and friendship and always remember guys if you won't wish us a happy day, then someone else just might!

Altruism

Why is it that some women share a sense to help others without wanting to receive credit?

The Bumble Bee

The Bumble Bee is the ultimate symbol of determination. Although the principles of aerodynamics suggest the bumble bee cannot fly (Mary Kay Ash): it's wings are too weak, and it's body too heavy - the bumble bee not knowing this flies anyways.

You can do anything!

If someone suggests something can't be done, remember the bumble bee and do it anyway!