FREE OR NOT FREE

I used to write because it freed me, took me to another world, and embarked me towards new dimensions. Today, I feel like I write to remember...I am afraid to forget.

It's been a while...and I cheated....

It's been a long while since I've been here...but now I'm back...so much has happened I really don't know where to start. I have done so much that sometimes I wonder who I really am. The day that I was given a second chance at life, I was sure I had become a better person. Negative on that one...I can't say I am a bad person, but I kind of live life a bit more selfishly. I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do, however, sometimes, I find it very difficult to realize what I am doing. Since my last post, I have lived a great love, cheated on that love, and am now trying to pick up the pieces of that love and try to make the heart whole again.

Will we get through this? I don't know. Do I regret what I did? It depends. I know this sounds really bad, but the truth is that everything that we do is an experience and why regret an experience. I do regret it if I look at what I did to my relationship as a result of a one-night stand. But, for how long do I pay for this. I will always accept my fault, and I will never excuse my actions, but it is what it is. Either we solve it or not. He has moments when he wants to solve it, and then there are those when he doesn't, this roller coaster is not healthy for either one of us, but I just can't let go. I love him too much.

Then there are those times when I don't regret it, it happened...Yes, but what led it to happen. I have never thought that a relationship should end as a result of an infidelity. Unless you are a career cheater, most people cheat when something in their relationship isn't quite right. When you leave a back door open, and someone is able to come in...try to close it and make your relationship "stranger proof". Plain and simple, fix what's broken, and then move forward.