Now what?

Endings, beginnings, when will I get it right?  Who knows?  The truth is that I really don't know when I'll get it right.  Does anybody ever get it right?  Some people seem to appear as though they have it all together, but do they truly? In loving someone, there is alot that you give of yourself, and of course the ideal is that they are giving of themselves as well.  I mean that is what being in a relationship is all about. 

I wish I could go back to the time when I was picking shells on the shore, those were some carefree times for me.  The ocean although some may think is not trustworthy to me, it is my peace.  Everything seems o.k. there, it's as though, all the bad gets washed away, and I don't have to worry about it anymore.  I have come to the realization that I am meant to be with myself, as funny as this may sound, or perhaps I have never truly been in love.  Isn't love supposed to last forever?  Sure there are ups and downs, but really, isn't is supposed to last?  What is wrong with me?  It's not that I fall out of love, it's that it just dissipates?  I can't blame myself entirely, I mean he has had some part in this as well..perhaps I got tired..perhaps he got bored..but this morning he said..I'm leaving..I am not happy anymore..hmm..I told myself, silently..I haven't been happy because you haven't been happy, but I figured you would get over it, and we could move on with our relationship.  You see the problem with me is that I stick (perhaps too long) in the hopes that things will work out, but somehow, they don't.  In the beginning even our love making was totally...how should I say...off the chain...orgasmically amazing...I mean I hadn't felt like that in years...I mean at the time, I gave up everything just to be with him.  Some might think that it was just the sex, but truly it wasn't.  You see, we were in tune on a different level.  He stimulated me not only sexually, but intelectually, and emotionally as well.  He was my hero at the time, but how we got here I don't know, is it salvageable, I don't know...what to do?  I don't know!